On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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