Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
im on a boat
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