shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
