cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
