i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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