What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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