Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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