Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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