"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
