Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
