there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
