i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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