thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
