so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
