You just made me feel so damn special
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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