i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i dont even know how to be here
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
