just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
