so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
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Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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