you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
