just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
