I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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