Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
