Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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