You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
