I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
