she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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