Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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