Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.

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(509): View more from Washington

You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"

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(440): View more from Ohio

At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family

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(208): View more from Idaho

well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.

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