with your own penis?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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