I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
