mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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