I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
