i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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