I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
