my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
