I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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