I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to wash the frat house off of me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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