Pappa wants mamma naked
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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