i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
