My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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