I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
