the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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