I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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