He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
