I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
