Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
