I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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