I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
