I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
