I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
