i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
