Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
