I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we made out on top of his cat.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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