By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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