Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
