Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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