So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
