laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
