A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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