I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
