my phone needs a breathalizer
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
