I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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