but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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