Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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