If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
