If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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