Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she peed on how many people?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
