mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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